To Accept my Triggers.

I was bullied severely as a kid and I’m still not over it. I forgot how to trust and I’m still not over it. I lost all sense of purpose and I’m still not over it. I learned how to hate myself and I’m still not over it.

How could I possibly be over it? I’ve used the same excuses my entire life and I still believe them.

I can count the people I care for on one hand. (Truth)

Love is too much work, I don’t need that commitment anyway. I’d be better off getting ahead for school. (Excuse)

What if my sexuality is an elaborate lie fabricated by my fear of love? (Question)

Don’t show any weakness. Don’t speak. Don’t cry. Don’t breathe. (Truth)

It’s all in the interest of safety! Vulnerability is stupidity. (Excuse)

But what if I want to be vulnerable? What if I want to spill my secrets and find out that they accept me anyway? (Question)

I’m not going to become anything. The day I move out of my parents’ house is the day I will understand poverty. (Truth)

Don’t mind the predictions of impending doom. You probably didn’t work hard enough yesterday. (Excuse)

It doesn’t matter how hard I work. I’m still going to have this fear, won’t I? (Question)

I’m going to hurt you, you stupid piece of s***. Shut the f*** up and listen to me. (Truth)

Stop listening to unstable rappers. You’re not that angry. You’re a cute 7-year old girl trapped in a 17-year old girl’s body…remember? (Excuse)

What kind of a 7-year old girl would want to be around someone so angry? (Question)

The truth is I’m not going to find any answers to my questions by falling for the same excuses. To make any progress whatsoever, I’m going to have to accept that I have triggers.

I’m not ready to fall in love yet? (New truth)

Fine. There’s no rush! (Not an excuse)

A lot of conversations and people remind me of my past? (New truth)

Fine. At least I know I don’t have amnesia! (Not an excuse)

I’m uncertain about my future? (New truth)

Fine. News flash: Everybody else around you is as well. (Not an excuse)

You don’t always think you’re the best? (New truth)

Fine. At least you’re not Narcissius. (Not an excuse)

That’s the type of attitude I need to develop and I’m going to give it my all because I’m worth fighting for.

~Live boundless.

How are you lovelies fighting for yourselves? Let me know in the comments below!

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16 thoughts on “To Accept my Triggers.

  1. If there’s one thing adulthood has taught me:

    Nobody has their act together: We all struggle, in our own ways, with different things — we all fall short to some extent.

    Reading this post, I was reminded of this quote:

    “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

    Like

  2. This is such a relatable post. I too have triggers, I too make endless excuses and I too question everything and anything that has happened up until now and it only leaves me in a state of daze and confusion. The only thing we can do is keep our heads above water and remember to keep breathing even if we can’t swim πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love your positivity ! You should work in Mental health , you could help so many ….you are a born healer…Hence you will meet challenges all the way ….Best wishes to an awesome blogger , writer , and healer !

    Like

    • Actually I do plan on becoming a clinical health psychologist at this point. I want to destroy the misconceptions and stigmas around psychology so that it’s easier for people to learn about and maintain mental wellness.

      Like

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