I’d like to take a moment to recognize the irony of this blog post. It’s a piece of writing about writing in a category dedicated to writing with the tag ‘writing.’ Mind blown yet? I sure am.
Another thing that blows my mind is how simple the solution to this particular problem was: look to God. For the longest time, I’ve wanted to write a fiction novel — cause I’m a fiction nerd like that — with lots of action but, at the same time, a strong undertone about overcoming grief.
If you lovelies haven’t guessed already, grief has actually played a monumental role in my life and development as a person. When I titled this blog “Confessions of a Reborn Girl,” I was talking about the rebirth I encountered after recovering from grief. The more I fill this blog’s digital space, the more I realize how right it feels to approach grief head-on and hopefully help other people along the way. (That’s another aspect of my sign-off “Live boundless.”) I refuse to be defined by my past. I’m more than what I’ve seen and greater than what I’ve felt.
Now…what does this have to do with struggling to write a book? Everything. I’m a huge softie. I feel guilty about cutting in front of people on the highway, even when the puny merge gave me no other choice, for crying out loud! Putting people, even if they’re fake, through imaginary traumatic experiences for the purpose of allowing real humans to feel like they aren’t alone is unimaginably painful for me.
Not only do I feel like I’m re-living my experiences in the worst possible way, I feel like a terrible person for imposing them on someone else — even if that person technically doesn’t exist. All of this internal conflict got me thinking, and texting my character friend, which finally manifested into an epiphany:
Doesn’t God cry when His children suffer? Doesn’t He feel their pain as His own?
If God does it, doesn’t that mean I can too? Note: I’m not insinuating, in any shape or form, that I’m anything like God. I’m a speck of dust compared to His glory. However, I can draw my strength from Him.
The whole point of having faith in God, at least in my estimation, is to have the strength to do things we couldn’t do by ourselves. That’s just what He’s there for: to guide and lift His children up regardless of reciprocation, or lack thereof, every single day in every single endeavor.
That’s why there’s no longer a doubt in my mind that I can do this. I have God on my side.
P.S. I also fear submitting my novel to a publisher and getting rejected like nothing else. Or worse, having it get published and nobody reading it. The immense break-out success of some my favorite authors — J.K. Rowling for example — doesn’t really help things. So I’m going to pretend that the world or publishers doesn’t exist for now. (Going to lean on the Lord for strength and courage in this area also.) I’ll cross that bridge if, and when, I get there. What’s publishing a book? All I want to do is write one.