Meditation Journal Entry #6: What If?

It’s Thanksgiving break! I get the whole week to relax! In theory at least. I have this struggle where if I get a sudden vacation, in the midst of a lot of hard work, I have a somewhat difficult time un-wiring from my survival mode at first. Humans are creatures of habit so that only makes sense, but it gets a tad bit distressing when I have free time on my hands and I have no idea what to do with my life.

Yesterday, this pressure rose to a bit of a fever pitch and there I sat at a religious service stressing out about the future of my blog. I know this sounds heavily contradictory considering that I just recently got 200 followers but, in all honesty, I’ve been feeling like a needle in a haystack compared to other blogs recently. A lightweight. I must have gotten through a good couple worrisome thoughts until I caught myself.

For those of you unfamiliar with this terminology, “catching yourself” is this practice in mindfulness meditation where you take a step back from your thought processes and acknowledge them. Then you let them go. You don’t continue down the vicious cycle, you just remove yourself from it if you will. After doing this I had a new thought:

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What if I succeed? Have you lovelies ever noticed how “what-ifs” always seem to revolve around the negative? What if I fail? What if I get hurt? What if I’m wrong? What if we were to flip that thinking on its side and dwell on that thought process instead? What if I fly? What if I turn out OK? What if I’m right? 

Chances are you’re already prepared for the worst case scenario. You’ve played it out in your head a couple times, you’ve built the mental fortitude for rejection, and you’re all set up for disappointment. What about happiness? What if you fly?

In Chinese philosophy, pregnancy isn’t just about a woman bearing a child. It’s about all of the possibilities that a person carries within them. You are pregnant with the possibility of your future and it could be just about anything.

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~Live boundless.

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