Last time I touched on this topic, all I knew was that I messed up. I tried to fly when there were still chains wound around my ankles. The truth is: I’m still afraid of love. In my mind, it only leads to pain, anguish, and stress. I know this because I literally mapped it out (as you can see in the featured image.)
A couple days ago, I was reading through Beauty Beyond Bones’ latest post and she said something that really stuck with me, “Do something different. Do what is difficult. Do something radical.” That really got me thinking that if I wanted radical results, I’d need to take radical actions. And I had just the idea.
Writing has always been my preferred outlet; it allows me to express myself in a way that nothing else can. I’m also an extremely visual person who thinks in color and loves to make diagrams, so it probably makes sense that a mind-mapping app would be the biggest fresh of air I’ve taken in a while.
When I tell you lovelies to ‘live boundless,’ I mean in body and mind. No thought process should be off-limits. (Unless it’s needlessly negative or otherwise harmful, but that’s a different story altogether.) I like to think of it as: your head should be a safe place to play. In other words, there should be nothing but acceptance within you; not just because you should love yourself before you love others, but because you’re worthy of your own respect. No matter what happens, you’re good enough.
To continue, I kept this mentality close at hand while I wrote out my thoughts. I’ve found it’s very easy to fall into self-loathing when you’re examining your flaws, so you just have to be careful to do it the right way. Bottom line is you have to keep in mind, at all times, that you’re isolating a single dewdrop from a river. There’s so much more to you than what you’re exploring in the moment.
Once that’s settled, it’s a matter of being honest. If you’re delving into something deeply personal, like I was, don’t be afraid to wait until you’re alone if possible. Another reassuring thing to keep in mind is that nobody else has to see what you put down if you don’t want them to. (All my fellow writers who would burn their first drafts are thinking “everyday.”) Even you don’t have to see it if you delete it. Really, the only risk involved would stem from a lack of acceptance within you. That being said, if you want to be safe, you can be.
Overall, I think I deeply benefited from this experience. It’s one thing to transcribe your thoughts onto paper, but to actually be able to visually represent them is much more powerful. It definitely mimics cognition (human thinking) much more closely. I’ve learned in psychology how our brains automatically organize concepts and ideas into hierarchies (fancy word for “diagrams”) to better understand them, so of course it’s easier to write out our thoughts in a diagram-like format. (If you disagree, I’d really like to hear out your point of view in the comments below.)
Thanks to using this app, I realized that I perceive love has a way higher cost than benefit. (The right side of the mind map is where I listed all the consequences of love and, as you can see, it has way more bubbles than the left side.) Basically, I’m convinced that close relationships will take a turn for the ugly one way because, unfortunately, mine kind of always have. What I need to do, moving forward, is stop feeling so guilty and ashamed of having this belief. There’ll be more than enough shallow people to judge me and think I’m just being over dramatic. I don’t need to be one of them and I refuse to be one of them. Once I can do that, maybe then I can get around to amending my thoughts…but that’s way down the road!
Given how well this little experiment went, I’m a little surprised that I didn’t turn to mind-mapping earlier. I remember reading a news article about one of the most popular mind-mapping apps on the App Store, but I didn’t really bother exploring it because of its price tag. The one I used, SimpleMind+, has a free version and a paid version (which is cheaper than the mega-famous one I may add.) I definitely see myself buying it down the road because it’s an unparalleled way of brainstorming for me. I highly recommend that all of you look into this app (it’s on Android also!) because it has so many applications.
P.S. This probably doesn’t even count as a true app review, but I’d like to point out that I didn’t get paid to write this. I reached a higher understanding of my fear and I truly believe that you lovelies could really benefit from this mind-mapping thing. Or at the very least have a cool story to tell. The app is super easy to use, I promise, and it’s free to download (that and it can sync with Google Drive which I’m beyond obsessed with) so you really don’t have anything to lose!