Working Through My Pride 

I’m a prideful person.

I can’t stand being embarrassed and, true to my name, I seek out glory. I want to achieve my life goals, I want to stand on my own two feet, and I want to like the person I see in the mirror.

I hold myself to standards.

The last thing I want is to become as evil as my enemies. I refuse to fail and I try a little too hard at most things.

It’s suffocating.

Sure, it’s nice to say I attend a reputable university…but when I don’t measure up, I question myself if I even deserve to go there.

Sure, it’s nice to talk about all I’ve been through…but when I drown, I question myself if I’ve really changed at all.

Is it really worth it? All this walking on wires just so I think I’m good enough? I don’t even know anymore.

I don’t fit in anywhere I go. The things that tax my innermost resources my peers accomplish with ease. Then I get adults telling me to loosen up lest I become an old maid.

Is there a way out?

The logical path would be to stop associating my self-worth with what I produce, but how could I motivate myself then?

If it wasn’t life-or-death, why would I do it? Because I love it? Even that reason isn’t good enough for me.

Love is folly. Weakness. I shouldn’t need anyone other than myself. People have a way of vanishing when you need them most.

No, I need another reason to fight. I’ll fight because I want to.

  • Because there are people out there whose voices get lost in the noise, until they scream, but by then it’s too late. I was one of them.
  • Because the world gets awfully boring when everyone follows the current. I woke up on the wrong side.
  • Because I still believe in humanity and the goodness in everyone. I skipped the PowerPoint on how we’re our own demise for the one on how we’re our own salvation.
  • Because it’s worth it. Inferiority complexes are so eleven years ago and there are better ways to prove my value.

Fighting!

~Live boundless.

P.S. To all my fellow KPOP fans who understood that reference, y’all are awesome. To all of you who read that last bit literally, y’all are also awesome.

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33 thoughts on “Working Through My Pride 

  1. Agree with what you’ve written. In the quest for social acceptance and approval we often forget to love ourselves first. loved this post.
    Nice to visit your blog.

    Like

  2. You’re a beautiful and a smart person. I don’t see why you can’t achieve anything if you really set your mind.

    The way I cope up with peer pressure to perform is that I usually don’t compromise on my part in the efforts department. Generally, not worrying about an outcome and putting your best in anything you is good way to start. Focus on yourself onyour efforts. At the end you should not have a prickly that constantly bickers, “you should have done more”. So just give it all you’ve got and dont give a damn about anything. 👍👐

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have 3 words for u…U R AMAZING
    I know that saying it so many times may make it seen unreal…but honestly u r on the top of my ‘most inspirational people’ list 😊

    Like

  4. Thanks for your thoughts! I too have let what I produce or how I perform define who I am… But I have found that it is a suffocating lie. Jesus’ Love for me defines me, His death defines my worth. ❤

    Like

  5. So inspirational. I find myself stuck between the two. All my life has been fight, do, act. I find myself sitting and trying to recoup. Not sure if I want to fight or if I want to fly, if that makes sense. Like you, I see the good in everyone, even if they do not. I think that has been, in many ways, a sword I’ve cut myself on. I don’t give up, I love perpetually, even if their love hurts. I try to release that hope/expectation they will change, but love is something I can never let go of.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. 🙂 Thank you for posting. I’ve found myself struggling to write, if only because I’m so overwhelmingly inspired by everyone else!

        Like

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