I’m a prideful person.
I can’t stand being embarrassed and, true to my name, I seek out glory. I want to achieve my life goals, I want to stand on my own two feet, and I want to like the person I see in the mirror.
I hold myself to standards.
The last thing I want is to become as evil as my enemies. I refuse to fail and I try a little too hard at most things.
Sure, it’s nice to say I attend a reputable university…but when I don’t measure up, I question myself if I even deserve to go there.
Sure, it’s nice to talk about all I’ve been through…but when I drown, I question myself if I’ve really changed at all.
Is it really worth it? All this walking on wires just so I think I’m good enough? I don’t even know anymore.
I don’t fit in anywhere I go. The things that tax my innermost resources my peers accomplish with ease. Then I get adults telling me to loosen up lest I become an old maid.
Is there a way out?
The logical path would be to stop associating my self-worth with what I produce, but how could I motivate myself then?
If it wasn’t life-or-death, why would I do it? Because I love it? Even that reason isn’t good enough for me.
Love is folly. Weakness. I shouldn’t need anyone other than myself. People have a way of vanishing when you need them most.
No, I need another reason to fight. I’ll fight because I want to.
- Because there are people out there whose voices get lost in the noise, until they scream, but by then it’s too late. I was one of them.
- Because the world gets awfully boring when everyone follows the current. I woke up on the wrong side.
- Because I still believe in humanity and the goodness in everyone. I skipped the PowerPoint on how we’re our own demise for the one on how we’re our own salvation.
- Because it’s worth it. Inferiority complexes are so eleven years ago and there are better ways to prove my value.
P.S. To all my fellow KPOP fans who understood that reference, y’all are awesome. To all of you who read that last bit literally, y’all are also awesome.