Remember how I told you lovelies that Winter is life for me? Part of that stems from my hatred for Summer. Please bear with me while I explain…
All of the trauma I experienced in my life happened underneath the sun. Somehow, everything always seemed to die down in the cloudy months. Along with that, I reveled in the rain and cold weather because I felt more connected to it. For once, the world was as dark and sad as I was. Side note: Nowadays, I love the rain because I believe that water is life and to walk around in it is cleansing.
That’s why Summer is basically a giant trigger for me. My concentration literally goes out the window, I’m even more irritable than usual, and — frankly — I feel like I’m dying inside. And I’ve had enough.
I’m taking my life back today. Einstein always said it was insanity to keep doing the same thing and expect different results, so I’m changing up my approach and getting through this. Here’s how:
A spankin’ pair of sunnies
What goes on your head and fools you into thinking it’s darker than it actually is? That’s right, sunglasses! I remember when I went to Hawaii last year, I was under the sun 95% of the time and it didn’t bother me. (And not just because of the whole island paradise thing.) Just for kicks, I decided to wear sunglasses as long as I could, wherever I could, and it was so therapeutic for me.
Leaning on my support system
One of the positives of my dad being laid off is that it’s brought him and me much closer together. I feel like I can finally talk to him about my emotional problems without the fear of being judged or misunderstood. Mostly anyways. On top of that, I have some lovely friends who are just a phone call away. And in some cases 15 minutes away. If I’m having a hard time, I know I can count on them to listen.
Remembering where I am
I’m not a bully victim anymore. I’m not a self-harmer anymore. I’m not paralyzed anymore. I’m not numb anymore. I’m not sad anymore. I’m empowered. I’m two years clean. I’m awake. I’m aware. I love where I’m in life and I’m happy with myself. And I will repeat these affirmations to myself as many times as it takes to change my mentality.
Nothing drains my energy like the sunlight. (This is what I meant by feeling like I’m dying inside.) It’s tempting to retreat into my room and surf the Internet endlessly or just lay in bed, but that’s numbing and rather depressing. This season, I’ll stay outside of my bedroom as much as possible and keep myself occupied. I do have a New Year’s resolution that I’m falling behind on after all.
Recently on Twitter, I started a “Happiness Jar” Moment where I’m storing all the tidbits of joy and inspiration in my life/across the Internet. That along with my usual positive thinking is going to be a lifesaver for sure.
It’s kind of crazy, but I’m actually looking forward to facing off against my summertime sadness. Maybe it’s just because I know I’m going to win. *mic drop*