Today we have SilverSiren talking about how generosity and kindness aren’t bad things, but can be turned against you.
If I help someone, I am complete. If I make someone happy, I am fulfilled. If someone says “thank you,” I say “you’re welcome.” I’m just that kind of person, but when it’s used against me; I am sad, desperate, and anxious.
Just like when you did it. It all started with a little financial help. “Oh, you’re weak. You’re so stupid. Not experienced enough.” I know you’re thinking that right now. However, I wasn’t thinking about fear; I didn’t have any doubts. My whole philosophy of doing good was to be sure it’s the right decision. I was doing it for myself, for my peace of mind…
Then, you started to want more. I felt uncomfortable, but I had a job thankfully. Still, the amount of money you needed got pretty high by the end of the month. I trusted you blindly; your lies about repaying me worked. I should have seen it coming, but I was hoping inside that you wouldn’t use me. That your words were actually true. That your desperation was worse than mine. Looking back on it now, it was obvious right from the beginning. I was stupid, but when my patience run out, I decided to man up. “I am going to get it back. All of it.” After a few weeks came the final countdown.
You wanted to move away, but because my birthday was close, you wanted to give it all back that same afternoon, and something more. After one last loan, I screamed, “NO!” so many times, but your persuading lasted almost for an hour. I was weak because I wanted to get rid of you. I threw the money on you with tears and shut the door. No last words. I was broken, I cried so hard that you used my trust, kindness, and generosity. And your promise was again empty. You didn’t come again in the same afternoon. You haven’t shown up since then. It’s more than a year and a half. And you know what? It’s better this way.
After that, I started thinking a lot. If it’s worth being nice to people who are not to me. If it’s worth being supportive when they say “screw you.” If it’s worth being helpful when my help isn’t according to their wishes. Is it worth it?
As time passed by, I realized something. You couldn’t break me. You didn’t have the power to change me. I am still the same person who donates blood and some money to animals in need. That makes me really happy and that matters to me most.
Check out Silver Siren’s blog here and show her some love!