Love Letter to Myself

Dear Jasminder,

I’d like to let you know that I’m supremely uncomfortable doing this. My insides are churning and I can’t bear the thought of my music quieting down enough that I can hear my thoughts. But I digress…

I know that you’re bitter. I know that you’re angry. I know that you’re afraid. You don’t have to hide it from me. I’m not here to tell you the right one will come and I’m not here to tell you to stay open to love.

I know that you’re tired of walking off the pain. Your mask keeps darkening by the day and it worries me. You keep saying that you only wear it for fun now, but I wonder if that’s really the truth.  Just promise me that you won’t give up on the person underneath.

I know that you’re afraid you’re broken for life. All those knives in the back and now you think everyone’s running around with them. I can’t change that, but I think you should that I’m holding flowers behind my back.

I know that you’re drowning in your sin right now. All those warning signs but you kept on talking to her. Gentle reminder that you had no way of knowing what would happen all those years ago.

I know all this and I still love you. From the stress nightmares to the scars, I’m here to stay…Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I guess I should have known we’d get this close; I mean this is a love letter after all.

Even if you blow this off as self-indulgent, I know you need to hear this. I know you feel alone amidst the sleazy advertising, picture perfect couples, and love stories. If you don’t have anyone else, you have me. So don’t worry one bit.

You and I, we’ll get through this. We always have. I still remember the days when you clipped your nails because you didn’t trust yourself, but now you just pat your arm. I always told you that you’d make it.

Look up, sweetie. You have a lot of good coming at you. I know you’re not ready to say it yet, but those fading memories are making room for better ones.

As for now, lay low and take care of yourself. Don’t mind the toxicity all around you. Never be ashamed of your feelings about love and may you find all the answers you seek.

~Live boundless.

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41 thoughts on “Love Letter to Myself

  1. Even if you blow this off as self-indulgent, I know you need to hear this. I know you feel alone amidst the sleazy advertising, picture perfect couples, and love stories. If you don’t have anyone else, you have me. So don’t worry one bit.

    Love this paragraph. 👆 I like the way you express your emotions in simple words bearing a sharp clarity. Powerful post by a powerful woman! Amen!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for your honest, authentic post.
    First off, I want to say how sorry I am at the heartache you have recently experienced.
    The subject of Love reminds me of these passages: “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. …This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him” (John 15:13; John 4:9). Verses like these, specifically the one in 1st John, have made me realize that Love is a choice, and is usually sacrificial. I can understand what you said about being bitter and hurt over a broken heart… Yet, at least in my most broken, silent state, that is where I have found Jesus to be most near.
    That He would choose to enter into my broken, dark life and Love me enough to die for me… Would heal my scars and give me a newness of life… He gives me the Hope and Strength in the pain, to continue to Love, even when I get no sort of Love in return.

    All this to say to you in this heartbreak, that while you may be in a very dark, hurt, bitter place, there is Hope. He is near to the broken-hearted, and those whose spirits are crushed. May you come to know and experience not only love for yourself, but His Love, too.

    Again, thank you for your authenticity. It is an honor to get to know you (at least partially) through your posts.

    Like

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