Call it fate, call it good timing, last weekend I read the email that I’ve been needing to see since last September.
I don’t feel like I belong at my university at all. I have no friends, I eat lunch by myself everyday, and I live with my parents. Maybe it’s the type of students, or maybe it’s me, but I don’t fit in anywhere. Not in my ethnicity, not in the LGBT community, not in my gender, not in my age, and the list goes on.
Now I know I preach on here to change the things in your life that you don’t like. Well, the problem is that I really don’t mind being alone. I’m perfectly comfortable sitting in my presence, I have enough music on my phone to last me half a day, and I’m done with censoring or molding myself to fit in.
I will hang outside the edges of the picture frame, I will speak when everyone else is silent, but I’m tired of feeling like I’m driving to a strange land with stranger people every morning. I’m tired of feeling like I have no home.
Where is home anyway? It can’t just be your street address because those change overtime. It can’t just be where your family is because not all families are related by blood and you don’t live with your family forever. Home has to be somewhere further still.
When people say “home sweet home,” they’re saying that they’re glad to be where they are. They feel safe, content, and loved. If you carry those traits in your heart, you’ll have a home wherever you go. In the midst of losing these things from around me, I forgot that I have them deep within me.
- I trust myself through and through; I’m my safe place.
- I choose myself again and again; I wouldn’t rather be anyone else.
- I love myself now and forever; I won’t let that change.
Self acceptance doesn’t come easily and it isn’t fair for me to brush it aside so quickly when I worked so hard to build it. I still remember the days when I dug my nails into my arm, I still remember the days I prayed to wake up in someone else’s body, and I’m never going back to them. I’m happy to be myself.
Home is a place inside of people. I have it, you have it, and so does everyone else. If you have a home within yourself, you’ll never be alone.