Taking Responsibility

Taking responsibility

As you lovelies may or may not know, I scheduled an appointment at my university’s counseling center so I could learn how to actually cope with failure. (My current method wouldn’t even count as coping so much as falling apart at the seams.) Obviously the problem isn’t magically fixed, but the psychologist gave me something really good to think about.

She told me that I have an internal locus of control — the belief that your life is under your control — when it comes to failure and an external locus of control — the belief that life is out of your control — when it comes to achievement. In plain English, I think that every mistake and mishap is my fault, even when the circumstances were clearly out of my control. Whenever I do well on something, say a good grade on a test, I blow it off and say the test was just easy or something.

The reason I blow off my accomplishments is because I’m worried that inflating my ego will make me miss something and then I’ll flub up big time and feel even worse. And, believe me, it’s happened before. I don’t think I can unearth that thinking very quickly, but I tried reacting to mistakes a little differently. Namely, I took responsibility.

Hours after I saw the psychologist, I forgot that my brother came out of high school early and he texted me asking where I was. Instantly I realized my error, but I didn’t start calling myself stupid and insisting that I don’t have this adulthood thing figured out, so I may as well go into a corner and vanish. I owned up to it. I apologized to him, told him I had extra food, and hurried over to pick him up.

Then, I had to take a skills assessment for that employment agency that finally got back to me and interviewed me. (By interview, I really mean talking at me for 15 minutes about the job and answering my questions. I guess my inexperienced college student status tells them everything they need to know.) I accidentally answered “no, I didn’t take the survey” to one of the assessments when I had indeed took it, so I fessed up to the recruiter. She said the company values honesty so I’m being honest.

Update: She replied back and said that it doesn’t impact my scores (which were really high) in any way, and they’re excited to get me out working in June! Yay happy ending. πŸ™‚

To reflect, I think admitting my mistakes really cut them down to size. Instead of becoming this spiraling mountain of doom, I could put a finger on what they are and what they may cause. I’m not sure if this mindfulness method will hold out in the long run or if it’ll even be useful, but I will continue giving it a try!

~Live boundless.

P.S. Naturally, this thought came to me AFTER I hit ‘Publish,’ but what if I started taking responsibility for my successes as well as my failures? Maybe then I could change these dysfunctional loci of control embedded in my head.

P.P.S. My psychologist has the same birthday as me which we bought thought was wild. Apparently, it’s common for Libras to enter the counseling profession because there are 6 Libras at the counseling center out of the 10 people who work there. Who knew? 

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25 thoughts on “Taking Responsibility

  1. Even though the situation is out of our hands, all of us indulge in this self sabotaging habit of blaming. I really loved the way you’ve written, it felt like you were talking to me in person. BTW congrats on the job πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I understand the whole failure and achievement process. I feel like if I try to achieve diner I want, it’s out of my control and I’ll just fail. And if/when I fail, I end up depressed and I just want to give up. But I’m trying to handle failure and just doing what I want regardless. I’m glad you’re trying to find a solution; and a job πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Success is easy to celebrate it is our failures that shape us and make us stronger. I know I’ve made many mistakes but I’ve also learned to forgive myself, instead of blaming myself all the time, I’ve also learned to cut myself some slack – mistakes happen to all of us – we are human – just keep trying to do the best you can but most importantly just keep trying, don’t give up

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am definitely one of those people that belittle my accomplishments as I always think that it is not good enough. I think it has a lot to do with self-confidence and self-believe. I am working on it and I think that small steps matter. I think that you should not be too harsh on yourself and give credit when it’s due. Much love. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I often get performance anxiety, as if Christ will not Love me perfectly if I fail at whatever He has called me to do (though He Loves me perfectly, always). I know that my fear and thinking here is bogus, and is not the Truth!

    Because the Truth is, He came to die for every moral failure, every sin that I should die for. He took the debt, and paid it in full, so that I could live freely– not fearing, but out of His Perfect Love for me.
    I know that my failures and flaws are forgiven, and I need to start forgiving myself for what was long ago paid for– the minute I took in His gift of salvation. Thank you for this post.

    Like

  6. I have more respect for those who question and challenge themselves than people who get to a certain point (often, I’ve observed, about mid thirties) where they display an attitude that says, “I’ve evolved all I need to, and I’m amazing and perfect.” I have a couple of in-laws who are like that, and they’re boring beyond belief.

    Then there are those who blame everyone but themselves for their problems (same in-laws, so see how tedious they are?).

    Keep going with your quest to discover everything you can about yourself and life. Self-doubt can feel like a burden sometimes, but it can spur people to do great things. I admire your questioning of everything. It’s important in order to grow.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. If you don’t keep searching, then you might be in danger of induction into the Dunning-Kruger Club. I have two people I can refer you to who already belong but don’t realize it – which ironically is part of why they’re members – but you seem nice, so I won’t.

        (I just tripped on this site when I Googled “people who are too stupid to realize they’re not smart” because I felt “dullard” wasn’t doing the job in my first paragraph. I love the Web.)

        http://www.patheos.com/blogs/crossexamined/2015/02/the-dunning-kruger-effect-are-the-stupid-too-stupid-to-realize-theyre-stupid/

        Liked by 1 person

  7. We all have our flaws and it is good to accept that we fail but it will also be best if we praise ourselves for a job well done. In this case, congrats for an upcoming job. Cheers! πŸ™‚

    Like

  8. Hey… nice observation… sometimes just observing isn’t enough though, u have to work towards it and I’m glad that u r… many of us do the same thing that u do and by addressing it u made me realise that sometimes I do that too… thanks for putting it across… congrats on the interview! 😊
    I don’t seem to be getting ur posts on my reader, don’t know why…

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh… that’s sad… I miss all of ur posts and the other bloggers posts… I thought some of them stopped posting 😞

        Like

      2. Yeah it’s really awkward, I commented on someone’s post like “I haven’t seen you post in a while! Where you been?” and they’re like “nowhere? I’ve been posting like I always do?” πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

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